Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize