he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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