Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
