Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
