So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
