I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
This baby is an asshole
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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