i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
