dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
