is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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