I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Sorry about my life...
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