How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
