She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
