my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
