Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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