I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
