dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
