Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
