Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
