You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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