gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
