I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
