They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
