I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
