just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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