Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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