I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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