Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
