Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Randomize
