I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
