And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Couch. On fire.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
