She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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