dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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