What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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