when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
