you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
