dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Randomize
