i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
