Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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