I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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