I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
40s are totally the cure
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
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