drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
