I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
