she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
