So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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