Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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