Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
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