yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
