When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I am one with the molecules
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
