You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
