you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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