Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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