I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
