Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
