whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
