I'm going to jail i love you
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
