True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
