you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
