i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
people are starting to question the shark bite story
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
