This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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