then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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