I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
