who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize