Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
