Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
