are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
