God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Randomize