I skipped work to stalk him.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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