HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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