I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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