He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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