Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
