It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
someone owes me an orgasm
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
