I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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