And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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