What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
