Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
