Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
