I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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