omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Randomize
