You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
