We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
this boner is exhausting
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
