next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
